Resource Guarding Food Bowl: Prevention & Management

What is resource guarding? Resource guarding is the behavior a dog chooses when he believes he needs to protect something of high value. This item can be the food bowl (empty or full), a favorite or new toy, a bone, a sock, his bed, your bed, etc. The list is endless because it is completely up to the dog to determine what he believes is considered “high value”. However, most commonly the behavior is seen over the following items: food, toys/bones, bed/crate, and a favorite person. This behavior can happen with any type of dog, any sex, any age, any size. Knowing the signs is very important so you can prevent the behavior from getting worse.

If you notice any of these signs, or believe your dog is starting to exhibit resource guarding behavior, you must address the behavior immediately.

  • Lowered head over the item of value
  • Standing guard over the item of value
  • Snarl or low growl when you come near the item or reach for it
  • Complete stillness (aka freeze) when you come near the item or reach for it
  • If pushed, or signs not read properly, the dog will snap at the hand reaching for item

The following outline is to help those who are experiencing the behavior with the food bowl specifically, although this method can easily be used on toys/bones. The outline below is what I share with my clients, and this one specifically was written for a couple who had a 4 month old Golden Retriever puppy, Wrangler, who was starting to growl when they walked by the food bowl.


Dear Dave,

First, I would start by ignoring the growling he presents when you walk by the food bowl. If you show him now that that behavior does not keep you away, it will teach him not to continue the behavior. Instead, continue what you were doing (walking by him, stopping near him, etc.) and just talk to him in a normal voice. You can say something like, “Hey bud. Good breakfast huh?”, then simply walk away.

Second, I want you to purchase a really yummy treat that you will use solely for the next suggestions. These treats should be small to moderate size, and be the best thing Wrangler wants. My suggestion for healthy treats for a growing puppy is some type of food in a roll such as Natural Balance. These are full meals so they are low in calories and extra fillers Wrangler does not need right now, and they last a long time in your fridge.

How you use these treats are as follows:

  1. When you walk by him while he is eating, I want you to talk to him in a normal voice, telling him he’s doing a good job, and drop a treat or two into his bowl while he is eating. Don’t worry if they don’t land directly in his bowl, he’ll still get the picture. You will want to do this at least 5 times during each meal if possible. After doing this step for a few days, you will start to see him awaiting your approach because you bring something delicious. At that point, I want you to ask him to sit or look at you, then drop the treats in the bowl, and release him back to eating his meal. Do this step only once or twice during each meal as it can be very stressful so we don’t want to push Wrangler too much in the beginning. Continue this step for a week or two until you notice a difference in his behavior.
  2. The next step is to actually remove the food bowl while he is eating, and there are two ways to do this. The first is that you only put about 1/4 of his meal into the bowl and hang around while he eats. As soon as you see he is done with that portion, ask him to sit and pour the next 1/4 of food in with a small treat, and release him to eat after he has sat their patiently. Repeat these steps until you have given him the last 1/4 of his meal. As you do this each meal, you will slowly wean the treat size and frequency out of the picture so that he is simply listening for the reward of his food after doing a good behavior for you. The second step, which should only be started when the first step is going very smoothly, is to ask him to stop eating while food is still in the bowl. At this point you can ask him to sit, remove the bowl that still has food in it, place a huge yummy treat in it, replace the bowl and release him to eat.

If you follow these steps, in a gradual manner, you will see a huge difference in just a couple of weeks. The most important thing to remember during all this is not to be afraid of him. If he learns, or is suspicious that his growling behavior is working, he will continue to use it.


The most important thing to know regarding behavior modification for resource guarding, is that you always want to give the dog something in return for giving up their prized possession. For instance, in the above letter I have the client give Wrangler his food bowl rgback along with a more delicious treat than just his kibble. If you are working with toy resource guarding, you will take the toy (nicely), then give your dog a really good treat and the toy back in the beginning. As the behavior is diminishing, you can start to work on taking the toy without giving anything in return immediately. After you have held onto the toy for a minute or two (or longer depending on how advanced your dog’s training is going), you will return it to them. This teaches your dog that although you remove the item from their possession, they receive it, or something better, in return.

I hope these suggestions help, but if you are ever uncomfortable, unsure or scared, seek help from a professional dog trainer immediately before things become worse. I wish you all the best of luck!

 

House Training Ideas – Pee Pads

If you have just brought home a puppy, or are thinking about adding a new little furball to your family soon, it is important you understand the importance of house training and making it a simple and successful process. This blog series will cover the three different ways to train your puppy – pee pads, potty patches and crate training, in individual and detailed blogs. They will discuss what the products are, how they work, the pros and cons and how to teach your puppy to use them.

This first blog covers the very popular product known commonly as pee pads.


Pee pads are made out of an absorbent top layer with a plastic backing and usually come in a square or rectangular shape. There are some pee pad products made out of cloth material which are able to handle more liquids but act just the same as the most common plastic products. Some pads have chemicals mixed in to the material top layer fibers that act as attractants and are used to promote your puppy to potty on the pads. Pee pads can be used by simply placing them directly on the ground or in plastic trays to keep them from moving around (see image above).

 

Pros

  • It is very easy to teach your puppy to use
  • They are an easy target for you puppy to learn where to go.
  • They absorb urine well
  • They are easy to clean up and dispose of
  • They have many uses – around water bowls, under messy treats, in cars for carsick pups, etc.

Cons

  • They are difficult to transition your puppy off of
  • They inadvertently teach your puppy it is okay to potty inside
  • Some dogs like chewing on the pad instead of using it
  • They can be too small of an area
  • If not disposed of timely, it can be too “dirty” for your puppy and he will potty off of the pad

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There is virtually little training involved to teach your puppy to use pee pads, especially when using the ones with attractants added. However, that doesn’t mean it won’t be difficult to transition your puppy off of them when it’s time to teach them to go outside. Typically the pads are placed as liners in the crate or x-pen so when your puppy has an accident, they are training themselves to use the pads.

If you decide to use pee pads for your dog, you will need to transition them off of the pads and in to the yard. This will take a bit of time and your puppy will have accidents during the transition training, but it will be the clearest way for you dog. Here is a short step-by-step guide to help your puppy succeed:

  • Slowly move the pad closer to the door you will want your puppy to use to go outside. This may be a slow process for some where you will only be able to move the pad a couple of feet at a time while others may be able to have their pad moved one time.
  • Reward your puppy for continuing to use the pad in its new location.
  • pee-pad-2If your puppy has accidents, and you catch them in the act, startle them with a loud noise and carry them over to the pad to finish their business.
  • Once your puppy is making it successfully to the pad in front of the door, you will move the pad just outside the door.
  • It is important to start teaching your puppy to communicate that he has to go out (i.e. ringing bells – to come in another blog) during the previous step, so that he won’t just potty in front of the closed door once the pad is removed.
  • Once your puppy is making it successfully to the pad outside, move it to the location you want him to potty on (grass, mulch, bark, etc.). After a few days you can remove the pad completely.

On a personal note – pee pads are my least favorite of house training methods because I find more people having difficulty with house training their pups when using pee pads. A large majority of calls I receive regarding house training issues in dogs older than 9 months of age are with dogs who were trained with pee pads. I urge people to stay away from this training method when at all possible so that life is easier for you and your pup. Full disclosure, growing up we used pee pads with all the puppies that entered our household and we had success transitioning them to go outside. But knowing what I know now, I see the hazards that come along with this method and see less benefits.

If you are having trouble house training your puppy or adult dog, please contact a professional in your area to help you figure out a better way that will be successful.

 

 

 

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 10 – Have Fun!

Welcome to the last blog (sniff sniff) in the series of my personal 10 Important Dog Training Tips. Over the past 9 weeks I covered the topics of no grey ares, consistency, setting attainable goals, the power of repetition, having realistic expectations, finding confidence in yourself, knowing when to take a step back , the NILF concept and knowing when to hire a professional to help you. This week, and last topic in this series, covers the most important thing to remember when training your dog…….always have fun!!

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Practicing one of Caleb’s tricks at the local park between obedience sessions.

 

Just as with any other type of training you do in your life; working out, studying, practicing an instrument, you need to have fun or you will lose the drive to want to excel. Dog training is the same way. If you don’t find yourself smiling at your dog at least 5 times during your practice session, or laughing out loud at their mistakes, you will not enjoy working on your dog’s behaviors. And if you are not having fun, it can be guaranteed that neither is your dog!

Remember, dog training, whether it be for behavior modification, perfecting known cues, learning something new, or just seeing what your dog wants to do, should always have some moments of fun mixed in with the practicing of the other behaviors. This can be by mixing in a fun trick, adding in a little play session or possibily having a “quiet” moment of bonding and rethinking what your goal is. The possibilities vary and can be countless as each partnership (handler and dog) is different from the next.

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Practicing one of Caleb’s tricks in the park between his obedience lessons.

So get some treats in your pocket or gather your dog’s favorite toy and get out there and have fun!!

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 9 – Don’t do it Alone

Welcome back to the series of my top 10 Important Dog Training Tips to remember during the training phase with any dog. The past seven blogs I covered the importance of no grey areasconsistencysetting attainable goalsrepetition, having realistic expectations and confidence in yourself, knowing when to take a step back and following the rules of Nothing in Life is Free (NILF). This second to last blog on this topic is short and sweet, covering the important reminder that you should always seek professional help if you get stuck.

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Do not be embarrassed that you can not do it on your own! As with everything in life, sometimes you need a little guidance to help you achieve your goals. When working on behavior modification for your dog, it is vital that you hire a professional you feel comfortable with.

  • A professional dog trainer should make you and your dog feel at ease and make the training fun.
  • A professional dog trainer should help you understand why your dog is exhibiting certain behaviors, what the triggers are, and how to redirect your into a positive behavior.
  • A professional dog trainer will be able to guide you and your family through the overwhelming world of dog psychology so you can better understand why your dog is reacting a certain way.
  • A professional dog trainer will be able to tell you if private lessons or group classes would be best for your dog.
  • A professional dog trainer will be able to tell you if the addition of medications such as anti-anxiety medications would benefit your dog’s mental health.
  • A professional dog trainer will be able to break situations down into something that both you and your dog can understand and help you reach your training goals.
  • A professional dog trainer should like at the dog’s life as a whole to set a training plan that will be prosperous.

If you find yourself overwhelmed with your dog’s behaviors, not sure how to address them, or unable to reach your goals on your own, search for a certified dog trainer through any of the following organizations: IACP, NADOI, APDT.

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 6 – Confidence

Welcome back to the series of my top 10 Important Dog Training Tips to remember during the training phase. The past 5 blogs I covered the importance of no grey areasconsistencysetting attainable goals repetition and understanding realistic expectations. This week covers the importance of having confidence in yourself.

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As with most things we do in life, being confident plays a very important factor when training your dog. I can not stress this enough to my clients as I see it affect their ability to feel comfortable training their dog. What do I mean by this?

50c950d429050f05094a9733053e8af0If you are not confident that you are doing the right thing for your dog, whether that be your worry of your timing for their reward, that you are not being clear enough or you are not doing it right, or being too mean, all these will affect the way you interact with your dog leading you down the path of self destruction. When I train a dog, whether it be my own or a clients’, I make sure that I feel wholeheartedly that I am doing the right thing and I am confident with my request for the dog, whether it be asking them to do something new or correcting them for a wrong behavior.

I had a client who was training her Labrador to be a mobility service dog and one of the cues I teach all service dogs is how to “under” which means to go under a chair, table, bench or desk to be out of way of foot traffic whether the client is at work, out to dinner, at the doctor’s office or on public transportation. This particular dog was having difficulty understanding the concept that she had to crawl under the chair and stay there. As with all lessons, I let the owner try several attempts on her own the way she wanted to do it which was bribery for a morsel in her hand. Well, this lab, as shy as she was, found out she could just put his front legs and head under the chair and be rewarded then quickly jet out from under the chair. The owner was becoming quite frustrated and saw her dog’s behavior as a sign that she did not enjoy the task and the owner wanted to give up. However, what I saw was a dog who was nervous and didn’t feel comfortable with the task. But I knew that I was not asking the dog to do anything “mean” or “abusive” and helped her out by guiding her under the chair with a treat in front of her and a gentle, soft pull of the leash and collar. And guess what……she did it on her first attempt with me!

Just a couple of pictures of Caleb practicing his “under” at 5 & 6 months old.

This is just one example of how being unsure of what you are doing to/with your dog can possibly hamper their learning abilities whereas being confident in what you are doing/asking can teach your dog (and quite possibly yourself) something new. Don’t be afraid! Stand up for yourself and your decisions that involve your dog’s training, you’ll be amazed at what you both learn!

This video does not show training, but it captured a time where I pushed Caleb to do something because I was confident he could do it. And boy is he proud when he finally picks up the tire and carries it!

 

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 5 – Realistic Expectations

Welcome back to my series on the top 10 Important Dog Training Tips! Over the past four bogs, I discussed the importance of  “no grey areas”, consistency,  creating attainable goals and repetition. This week I will cover the importance of setting realistic expectations for you and your dog during the training phase.

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One of the most important things to remember regarding your dog’s training and his success is there most definitely will be set backs along the way. What I mean is that your dog may be learning how to sit patiently at the door to go out for walks, and he may be doing really well at it. Then one day he won’t. This doesn’t mean he has forgotten everything, and it doesn’t mean he will never get it. Dogs, no matter their age, go through periods during the learning phase where they either just don’t want to comply with your request or they want to challenge it. They want to see if you really mean what you are asking and if you are going to follow through on your request.

*Your dog will challenge you along the way and this is very normal. Do not get frustrated, upset disappointed. Dogs are living creatures with the capability of making their own decisions. They have every right to challenge us…they are not robots. 

It is important to remember that it can take up to 6 months for a dog to fully understand a new behavior. Sure they may be understanding it and following through in your home or yard when you ask, but for you to be certain you must practice the behavior in every situation and have your dog comply with 90% reliability.

Here are two links to videos that were done 1 year apart showing Caleb learning positional cues (sit, down, heel, side, etc). As you can see in the second video, taken this Mother’s Day, Caleb is still learning to do things perfectly. This video is also a perfect example of your dog testing your request. Caleb knows what I am asking him to do but he is fired up, in a new park and testing me to see if I am going to make him perform the desired cue. As you can also see, I don’t get angry during this process. Instead, I laugh along and keep asking him knowing that he can’t be perfect every time.

 

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 4 – Repetition

It’s week four of my 10 Important Dog Training Tips series! Over the past three weeks I discussed the importance of keeping things very clear through “no grey areas”, why consistency is key and creating attainable goals. Week four covers the importance of repetition during the training phase.

Just like when you were learning your time tables, and you would work through flash cards night after night to remember what 2×2 and 7×7 equaled, your dog must practice commands over and over to fully retain the information.

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How many repetitions you ask? Well, this depends on how clear you are when teaching your dog what you want and how much your dog wants to do the desired behavior. I have seen some dogs learn a behavior in less than 10 repetitions while it may take another dog 30 repetitions to learn the same behavior. However, I think it important to note that repetitions are successful when there is consistency in what you are asking your dog to do as well. If you pay close enough attention to your dog, you will soon learn their body language to let you know they get it. For example, when I am teaching Caleb a new behavior, I know that once he starts wagging his tail very happily it is because the behavior clicked in his head and he now understands what I am asking of him. Almost like he’s proud of himself for figuring it out lol.

You can check out a video I made specifically for this blog where I start teaching Caleb not to forge forward when he transitions from a sit to a stand.

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Along with how many repetitions it may take your dog to learn a behavior, you then have to add in the months of practicing that behavior in all settings to ensure your dog understands he has to perform the same behavior no matter if it is in your living room, around your neighborhood or at the local park. It is important to remember that you never push your dog and expect him to perform with out any hiccups in new environments if you have not set him up for success. This means, you don’t take your dog to a high stimulation environment and practice his behaviors if you haven’t practiced them in lower stimulation environments first.

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 3 – Attainable Goals

Welcome back to my series of 10 Important Dog Training Tips! The first week I discussed the importance of keeping things very clear through “no grey areas”, followed by why consistency is key. This week covers the tip of creating attainable goals for both you and your dog during the training phase.

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As with anything in life, the attempt to achieve our goals can overcome our lives and destroy us if we don’t break the process down into small steps that can be achieved on the way to the greater end result. If we ignore the steps needed to take along the way, we can become quite frustrated and give up. The same can happen with dog training.

How do you achieve attainable goals with your dog? Here are some hints on creating a “schedule” that will help you.

  1. We start small. Let’s say I want to teach Caleb how to “Clean Up” or put his toys away before he goes to bed. I know I need to break this down into smaller, attainable goals, to get the end result I want. This means that I need to teach Caleb the following steps:
    • Teach him how to retrieve obects on command
    • Teach him how to carry objects to a designated area
    • Teach him how to place the objects in a specific box
  2. These steps now need to be put into daily, weekly and monthly goals.

If I just jump to the desired trick of Caleb miraculously understanding he is suppose to pick up his toy and put it in his toy basket when I say “Clean Up” without showing him the steps along the way, I am going to become very frustrated. And if I am frustrated, you can bet your fur your dog is even more so. So, to help us both, I’m going to work on each part of this behavior in small steps so we both reach our goal with happy results.

Important! If you take longer to reach your goal than anticipated, do not worry! Just keep working on each step until you are satisfied with the result, you will both be much happier in the end.

Daily goals for this trick may be to work on Caleb picking up each toy on the ground when I point to it. A simple, yet important step to the final trick. Once Caleb has gotten that trick down, I will now focus on him carrying the object to me in the same room, then carry it to me from another room, etc. Next, I will work on Caleb dropping the object into the desired container I want him to put his toys away in. After we have been working on all of these steps individually, over a period of weeks, we can finally link all of the the steps together so that he has to pick up his toy, carry it into the proper room, and drop it in the desired container. Ta da! We have the end result of “Clean Up” accomplished over a period of months.

Here’s an easier example most people want their dogs to do – stay in place for long periods of time. When I was teaching Caleb to stay in a “Sit” for 5 minutes, I did not start the timer at 5 minutes. I started with what Caleb could easily do which was 30 seconds, and slowly built on that time. Each couple of days I added another 5 seconds to his period of time to stay in the sit position and if he had a hard time reaching my goal, I backed up to the time he could succeed at. This meant that I may have wanted him to jump from 5 seconds to 10 seconds, but he consistently broke the stay at 7 seconds. At this point, I didn’t want to be correcting Caleb, so I changed my goal to 7 seconds for a couple of days until I felt he could push through to 10 seconds. Eventually, we reached our goal of 5 minutes because we set attainable goals that we were both happy with.

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So, remember, you can achieve your goals if you approach it in a sensible manner that both you and your dog can agree upon.

 

 

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 2 – Consistency

Welcome back to my series of 10 Important Dog Training Tips! Last week I discussed the importance of keeping things very clear through “no grey areas” in my blog, 10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 1 – No Grey Areas, This week covers the rule of consistency which can be interchanged with, and is quite similar too, that topic.

*Remember, all of these are discussed for the important time of the training phase of any new command, trick, sport, etc.

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Much like the concept of keeping things black and white, consistency is vital for the success of your dog. It is one of the most important tools in dog training, no matter the sport. If you are not consistent with your requests from your dog, there will be too many “grey areas” and your dog will become confused leading to more errors in your dog’s decision making.

The following are clear examples of consistency that most of us deal with on a daily basis with our dogs:

Let’s say I do not want Caleb to beg for people food, especially while I am sitting down to eat a relaxing dinner with family or friends. At this point I request Caleb to “down” while begwe enjoy our meal and never feed him food from the dinner table to discourage the act of begging. Then one night, while he’s behaving, I toss him a piece of my steak to enjoy. The next night, I am very disappointed in Caleb when he is sitting, staring at me while I eat dinner. I can’t believe he is begging! I yell at him, tell him to “down” and don’t understand why he’s misbehaving. I have no one to blame but myself in this situation as I clearly showed Caleb the previous night that there is a possibility of receiving a yummy morsel of food at the table. If I had kept his training consistent, by not feeding him, he would have continued with the right choice of not begging.

20151023_190220Another great example is teaching your dog to wait while his food bowl is placed on the ground before being released to enjoy his meal. Every meal I require Caleb to stay in either a “sit” or “down” while I place his food bowl on the ground and walk away. Caleb knows
he is to stay in that position (time of stay varies) until I release him to eat. Now, let’s say that one morning I am running late for work and I place the food bowl on the ground without asking him to do a behavior first. I am too busy worrying about time to notice that he broke routine, and I didn’t correct him. In fact, I rewarded him for it (by letting him get his meal for misbehaving)! That night for dinner, Caleb rushes me for his meal and I yell at him questioning, “What is wrong with you?! You know better!” Again, Caleb’s mistake is my fault due to the previous meal mishap and my inconsistency.

Besides consistency in what we expect of our dog, we must also be consistent with what we say and do to encourage success. For example, can anyone see the problem with these commands of “sit”,  “down”, “off” and “sitdown!” being used interchangeably? I will show you….. If I ask Caleb to “sit” and “down”, expecting the separate known behaviors, then one day he doesn’t listen when I ask him to “sit” and I get angry so I deepen my tone of voice and tell him very sternly “sitdown!”, I can in no way get angry with Caleb if he decides to “down” as this behavior is also the correct choice with the command I just gave him.

Another example I come across with 90% of my clients is the misuse of the command down“down”. Most dog owners use the command “down” to have their dog lay down, yet I also
hear them use the same command when the dog is jumping on them, on their guests or on
furniture. In reality, if we tell our dog “down” in any of these situations, we should expect our dog to lay down. However, because we are picturing just having the dog to keep off of something, we accept the response of them stopping the undesirable behavior instead of expecting them to actually lay down. This is a prime example of us not being consistent with what we ask and expect. In this situation, there should be two separate commands to help the dog understand, such as now using the command of “off” to keep paws off of things.

The last important example of consistency that is commonly mishandled by owners, is that of the rate of reward or punishment. If I am training Caleb to “shake” and I do not reward him frequently in the training phase, I can loose his interest and stop seeing progress in his understanding of this new behavior. Just as, if I don’t use a form of punishment (verbal correction, leash correction, time-out, etc) every time it is warranted, Caleb will not learn that there is a possible consequence for the incorrect choice.

 

10 Important Dog Training Tips: Week 1 – No Grey Areas

There are 10 important fundamental tips I use and teach to my clients that all  encourage the success of their dog(s) training program by making everything clear and consistent between you and your dog during the training phase.

What is the training phase? This is the part of your dog’s life that includes the rules and foundations of behaviors being set, and the length of time it takes them to learn this new behavior and follow through 90% of the time. This does not mean for life (unless warranted), but it definitely means for at least the next 6 months to a year (or longer if needed) while your dog is learning. For instance, Caleb (my 1 1/2 yr old German Shepherd) is still in the training phase on his obedience and tricks because now I am working on him following through without any hand or body signals, compliance now comes solely from my verbal cue.

So, I thought I would put together a short series of important tips (10 in total) everyone should remember when training their dog(s). These are the things I find myself telling each and every one of my clients at some point during their lessons with me. Each tip will come out in a different weekly blog so as not to overwhelm you with too much information at one time. I’m hoping this will also allow you to apply each step as you learn it allowing you to mold it into your current training program. I encourage you to challenge yourself, and apply all of these into your daily routines with your furry loved ones.

Week 1 Tip: Everything must be black and white, not grey

This theory is very important to help your dog succeed and teach them in a clear and concise manner. One of the ways we achieve this is making sure there are no grey areas to your dog’s training routines. What does this mean? This means that when you ask your dog to do something or when you set house rules, there are no exceptions, especially during the training phase.

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For instance, let’s say I want to teach Caleb to be patient at doorways (must sit still while door is opened before being released), I can not let him run through some doorways then yell at him when he doesn’t sit at another doorway. For example: Caleb would get very confused because he has been allowed to run through the back door but now he just got yelled at for running through the front door. To make it very clear to Caleb, he should be asked to sit at all doorways during the training phase so he understands clearly that this new rule applies to every doorway in the beginning. This rule is even applied for coming in from his outdoor kennel as shown below to make everything black and white regarding door manners for Caleb.

 

Another example would be the new rule of your dog not being allowed on the bed as part of your training plan. If I instill this rule, it means Caleb is not allowed on my bed at any time, not just when I don’t want him up there.  To be fair to Caleb, he should not be allowed on my bed at any point during the training phase. This does not mean Caleb will never be allowed on the bed again, it just means that at this point in his training, he must earn the reward of cuddling with me in bed by staying off of it until invited up which could take a while. No matter what kind of sad eyes Caleb gives me, or no matter how much I want to cuddle with him, I can not give in and invite him up because that would cause a grey area in the training. Then, the next day when Caleb jumps up on the bed on his own, it would be very unfair of me to yell at him because I have not made things black and white for him.

*Note: both of these examples can also fall into the consistency category (another tip in the series) as well.